DUMB and DUMBer You idiot yarns

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Post by Scrappy on Tue Jan 16, 2018 5:33 pm

My car vibrated driving home
I managed to get home
I didnt know what it was, but decided to let the car cool down before doing the oils/water inspections
2 hours later I did the checks and everything was fine
Took the car for a spin around the block, the vibration re-started
I stopped the car , got outside and smelt a rubbery smell
I put 3 + 3 together, and found the problem, I had my handbrake on !


I had a cluttered dashboard covered by business cards
The clutter covered the part where the handbrake light comes on the dashboard
Scrappy
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Post by firstblood on Wed Jan 17, 2018 10:31 am

Here's one...not a dumb and dumber about me but...
Went to Centrelink to advise them of some changes...Chatted to a lady at the counter, her response was...go home and ring Centrelink. Smile
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Post by mickyj on Wed Jan 17, 2018 11:43 am

Me and Centrelink.
My solicitor needed to know my start date on benefits / Newstart. I walked to Centrelink on Henley beach road .
Stood in line for 20 minutes . Lady Instructing everyone is too nice more like an old bag lol . After 20 mins she sends me to the computer section to look it up . Waiting waiting another Centrelink employee ethnic Indian lady tells me it’s on your health care card . She noticed I have a pension concession card closed my wallet walked home.
My eldest was out he told me when he got home why didn’t you look on your health care card !
I felt stupid
But the ethnic Indian Centrelink employee had already torn strips off me for being unhealthy with my diabetes and brain injury she was shocked I have a pension concession card I raced out of that Centrelink so fast thought your not taking that away from me .
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Post by Scrappy on Sun Feb 18, 2018 11:07 am

First job
John Martins, during the school holidays
First day, a staff member asked me to go to the hardware section and bring back some striped paint ...
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Post by Scrappy on Sun Feb 18, 2018 11:17 am

High School
Fridays we had Headmasters exams
In the mornings we would go to another school , to do Metal work
Other classes in our year would do the exam in the morning
After lunch my class would do the headmasters test
I had done this a  few times before

One very particular time this happened
I got a student to get me a spare  sheet of a Biology exam
I used my lunch break to cheat from my Biology book and rehearse the answers
It was a dishonest irreprehensible act on my behalf, blatant cheating

The result of the test, was I got a fail mark, despite having the questions in advance !
Dumb !
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Post by Scrappy on Wed Mar 27, 2019 11:37 am

Guy fills out his lotto numbers at an agency, same numbers for about 30 years
Then fills out his lotto numbers another day, believing it to be  for the following next lotto draw
However , this dumb and dumber  ends up having 2 entries for the same draw
And he wins on both tickets !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Instead of getting back 23 million, his error meant he got back 46 million
Imagine if his numbers came out the following week though ...

Spare thought for an unlucky person in all this
There was 3 winning combinations, so there was 1 other person who got back 23 million as well
That unlucky person should have got back about 34.5 million, but for the other persons double entry
It cost that person 11.5 million, how unlucky ....
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Post by bayman on Wed Mar 27, 2019 12:10 pm

Smart move by the two ticketed winner, he gets 66.66’ %while the Canberra based one ticket “loser” gets 33.33’ % of the first division prize pool
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Post by Scrappy on Wed Mar 27, 2019 1:32 pm

This LOTTO is kind of like what happened to the late great mate of mine Taxi Pete
Taxi Pete was also known as LBBL[Lame Brain Born Loser]
By admission he was an unlucky and a very poor gambler

Taxi Pete got the last trifecta one night at Angle Park dogs, on a Tasmanian event
He got back $450, not so unlucky, and being a late race, managed to win for the night

He went back to work in his taxi and had a pick up from a pub at Semaphore
His passenger relays a story how he had a good win at the dogs
He mentions he got a trifecta , the same one Taxi Pete got
Taxi Pete and the passenger  are the only 2 dividend winners, then conversing  with each other, quite  freaky circumstances
I say the only 2 winners as there was a $900 pool , and they both got back $450

Now the thing is, the other punter tells Taxi Pete he got the trifecta on a mystery ticket !!!!
Had he not taken a mystery bet, Taxi Pete prob would have got back the lot,that being $900
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